Commitment Phobia

Who Put the Vinegar in the Salt?

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men”

(Matthew 5:13NIV).

 

Why Do We Fear Commitment 

According to many psychiatrists, there is an alarming growth in the occurrence of a social disorder called commitmentphobia, or fear of commitment. The disorder is manifested, not only in basic human relationships, but in the workplace as well. Unable to engage in the purposes of their companies, commitmentphobes become quickly bored with their jobs. They either quit, are fired, or their employers impose fewer expectations with the result of lost productivity.

Commitmentphobia impacts the sufferer on the most primitive levels. Yet, the commitmentphobe is difficult to spot until after the harm is done. The commitmentphobe will often talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk. While on the surface, the commitmentphobe hints at a future, the relationship soon crumbles because the commitmentphobe cannot let go of his personal investment to further the goal of the relationship. Furthermore, if an individual cannot commit to another human being, how then can he or she commit to a cause or a group?

Why do people fear commitment? Psychologists believe that commitmentphobia is rooted in a fear of the unknown or a pervasive need to control. Deeper roots may be found in an early traumatic event such as being stuck in an elevator or disappointment in a trusted authority figure through abuse or neglect.  

But for most of us the failure to commit may be as simple as lacking the compelling emotional criteria that unites us to something larger than ourselves. One author describes commitment at its core: “You’re either in or out.” Commitment, according to Susan Sheppard requires becoming a team player. She states that the benefit can sometimes be miraculous, as in the case of the 1980 US Hockey team’s triumphant gold medal. “Commitment creates synergy…it is sort of like a seed that drops on the forest floor and becomes a brand new true.”  

Regardless of its roots, commitmentphobia may be one of the most pervasive issues within the church. No wonder non-believers shy away from attending fellowships where its members are unable to team together for the common cause of Christ. Such disharmony most often is the result of spiritual commitmentphobia, that inability to engage beyond what pleases the individual. 

Paul writes of the very human struggle to commit to God. It is man’s nature to rebel. However, the Bible clearly indicates that our lives will be richer and fuller when we come under God’s control rather than the lusts of the flesh. “He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers…” (Psalm 1:3 NIV).

Commitment, like love, does not seek its own reward. It does not flaunt itself or boast. It flows out of our desire to please rather than get, propelling the believer to action rather than fear. Are you able, asks the Master? “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun” (Psalm 37: 4 – 6 NIV).